The Lads – Bacondick

• Name: Unconfirmed
• DOB: August 29, 1986
• Nationality: Spartan/Lesbian/Sipo/CBD/Shambock/Roi Bos Tea/Arnold Vosloo
• Lad Name: Bacondick

Another day, another lad on tour. And ladies and gentlemen, what a lad I have here for you today. Affectionately called Bacondick by his peers, it is near impossible to withstand the alluring aroma of this mans perfectly shaped balls. I can vouch for this personally. Though this may be his first lads on tour experience, do not think of him as a timid man but think of him as a super-fashionista, a sultry embodiment of carnal pleasure.

Bacondick although of pure Spartan heritage spent his youth in the CBD with Sipo drinking Roi Bos Tea with Arnold Vosloo in Pretoria. He has contracted and beaten the AIDS retrovirus over 9000 times with Dr. Philippos Testacle-opoulos exalting him as

“a medical miracle”

also going on to quote:

“This guy has so much AIDS resistance, that 1ml of his blood could cure the whole of Africa, yet he does the noble thing and laughs at them instead”

Sources suggest Bacondick is responsible for the current swine flu crisis, as he was seen crossing the Mexican border with 2 underaged male hookers dangling from his perfectly sculpted nutsack. The taste of his bacondick is known to attract both sexes, leaving bacon grease stains on the side of his victims mouths. Now a fully fledged young adult, Bacondick has transferred his skills at kiddie-fiddling to number-fiddling as an actuarial scientist. Currently studying the aforementioned subject, Bacondick has been seducing tight welcoming gash, by first farting on a picture of  not-academy award winner Gary Busey then screaming,

“you like that Busey, don’t you? Look at your stupid grinning face”

(Note: read this next paragraph in the voice of not-academy award winner Richard Attenborough)

“After showing his male prowess to all the surrounding female lions, Bacondick roars and lets his body rest in the cool savannah grasslands. We now approach this beautiful creature slowly so as not to startle it. Oh, look now, the creature has caught sight of us, yet he seems to be doing something perculiar with his gonad area. We move in closer only to see the fabled lion Bacondick watching Peruvian tranny porn while jacking his pulsating lion-dick off with an oven glove bought from ASDA for £1.99. The mysteries of nature never cease to amaze.”

Since his shady youth, Bacondick has developed an uncanny ability to perform the most stunning cunnilingus the world has ever seen. Taught by the Rwandan witchdoctor Unmana Sebahive, his tongue can reach escape velocity in a matter of seconds, causing some females to erupt in geysers of joy and others to instantly shit themselves or produce cake-farts. It must also be noted that Bacondick has a severe distaste of German things and resolves his conflicts by pissing on their garden furniture.

I warn you all at this point, if you hear *shlap shlap slap* in the middle of the night while sharing a room with Bacondick, he is merely practising this technique in his sleep, also commonly known as sleep-slurping. I for one wholeheartedly welcome this first-time lad, and hope that the horse pheromones he douses himself im in order to attract on the most pure stallions, does not lead to a “2 guys 1 horse” situation.

Next up, is his holiness himself, the vunderkind known only to his followers as…The Prophet

Lads At Church

Just wanted to wish all the lads a Happy Easter, THE LAD HAS RISEN!!!HATH HE NOT!

As i write these words, i pray that those lads who found themselves at Church tonight, were there scouting girls, for i myself was…theres just something special about a girl holding a giant phallic symbol while their faces are poetically lit by the sublte light of said phallic symbol…

Go with christ…amen

The Lads – Superdry

• Name: J@mes Gi||espie
• DOB: January 23, 1988
• Nationality: William Wallace
• Lad Name: SuperDry

J@mes Gi||espie a.k.a SuperDry, a touring vet aswell as one of the founding fathers of the ladist movement that in recent years had spread through Europe faster than aids spread through Africa.

During childhood SuperDry discovered a love for exploring mature ladies’ genitalia using nothing but a humble brush, a shovel and a magnifying glass, he would often collect samples of their pubic foleage in order to conduct experiments to determine their exact age. As he grew, so did this fascination and it began encompassing  other objects such as ancient egyptian dildos,  Roman Stool samples and fossils. His transition into archaeology was a smooth and natural one.

Following up this hidden fetish, SuperDry began an undergraduate degree at the University of Exeter.

When asked to comment on SuperDry, a fellow student had this to say:

Gi||espie? yeah ive heard of him, who hasnt….Do i know him personally? No, not really. You hear stories about this guy…people say he was responsible for the Great Lash of 2008, you mustve heard about it right? I mean several guys were hospitalised for major sphynctoral tearage…i even heard that 3 girls almost died of asphyxiation via blowjob! Was he responsible you asl? I wouldnt bet against it…

One year before his enrollment at the University, SuperDry notoriously dropped off the map. It was reported that he had grown tired of his fetish for concrete shit holes and pube twined whips. Rumours of his demise however were greatly exaggerated, the truth in fact was that SuperDry had settled in Thailand where he was gathering an army of child ladyboys, to enlist to his ever expanding empire of teen brothels. It was also suggested that he himself had courted a ladyboy, however a confilt of interest soon ended their highly sexual relationship. He also spent time in North Korea and China , as an esteemed guest to both governments.During this tour SuperDry tried to persuade Kim Jong-Ill to join the next Tour of Lads, however his majesty politely declined citing the stroke he suffered last year which left his penis slightly disfigured, much like Michael Douglas’ face.

In 2008, SuperDry made his Mykonos debut which he took by storm on one of the holiest days in the Ladist calendar, The Day of Guetta. Here SuperDry sacrificed his own dignity for the good of the lads, while slobbering and writhing in the dirt of Lazarus in order to con Latino Heat Virgins into offering oral pleasure to several Lads. This plan goes down as a noble success, and a defining moment in SuperDry’s life.

He has the uncanny ability to seduce Latino Heat, while his ability to shred fanny with absolutely no lubrication, earned him the galant nickname SuperDry.

Lad Willing for He Is Great…Hail SuperDry!

Stay Tuned for the epic Lad Bacondick…

The Lads – Wayne Gretsky / WenGrafsky

So here we have it, I am very pleased to present to you our second lad. One of the criminal masterminds behind the original lads on tour, which we still owe a whole 8p for the flights to. Let me get this fine cougar-hunters stats out the way, so we can move onto more haunting tales of his omnipotence:

• Name: A|exis Wengr@f
• DOB: February 5th, 1987
• Nationality: Hispanic/French Frog/English full breakfast
• Lad Name: Wayne Gretsky  / WayneGrafsky

A|exis Wengr@f, what can one say about this one-man monolith. Born and raised in the ghetto district of Paris, this aparthied loving fashion guru took to the streets on the prowl for “mounara” from an early age. His favourite type of lady is one with a boyfriend already, and as he like to proclaim “it’s more of a challenge that way”. I for one, couldn’t agree more.

This gallic charmer, clad in “IKKS parfum pour les enfants et des zizi’s”, snakes his way into tasty spanish snatch by impersonating Academy Award winner actor Cuba Gooding Jr…by which of course I mean Edward Norton. It is said amongst celebrity A-list magazines that Edward Norton in fact had plastic surgery to look like our lad Wayne Gretsky. I am therefore proud to have him by our collective sides, for gentlemen, this man is a celebrity.

Now, the name Wayne Gretsky (derived from the Latin Wayneus Gretskius: meaning wielder of the great cock), arose around the time of the original lads on tour. Since then, it has been shouted through many a  crowded street and more importanly many a crowded and pussy infested bedroom. Wayne Gretsky, is an expert at cunnilingus, taught by the masterful Bacondick (another lad we are lucky enough to have with us on tour). Wayne Gretsky is also lovingly known as that ” French, Jewish cunt”.

Wayne Gretsky’s current occupation as foreign language instructor in an underage school has led to a number of long-spanning lawsuits from concerned parents. Do not let this put you off, as our lad here collects sexual harassment lawsuits like degrees, hanging them on his wall, and seductively strokes them as he rubs his penis against the floral pattern wallpaper in his study/office. His trip to Barcelona will no doubt add a couple more lawsuits to his trophy wall, as he whispers seductively into the ears of many an unsuspecting victim. Do not be disturbed when he approaches you, grinning, and says “smell my fingers”, for you and I know that they will smell like fish which are rich in omega-8.

His drinks of choice are anything that makes his dick numb, apart from the yeasty taste of beer of which he is not too enthralled by. May I also state that this man can in fact speak Spanish and so having him on this trip is an excellent advantage for all the lads involved.

With his laid back nature and love of life, Wayne Gretksy is set to take Barcelona by storm.

Please standby for our brief tribute to another veteran lad on tour, the legend that is J@mes ” Super Dry” Gi||espie…

The Lads – “the Duke”

As promised, our first profile shall focus on the mysterious character known in some circles as C()nstantine P@p@dimitriou. You and i know him as….THE DUKE.

• Name: C()nstantine P@p@demetriou
• DOB:November 28, 1986
• Nationality:Spartan
• Lad Name: THE DUKE

C()nstantine P@p@demetriou,  raised in the Greek mountains by Greek Criminal Mastermind Paleocostas, he  settled in London at a young age where he currently resides moonlighting as a politics student. Those who know him describe him as a quiet man with a hidden lust for italian women, fine wine and a passionate fear of hairy vaginas.

In Lads Social Circles, C()nstantine is known  as “The Duke”. The origins of this nickname are hazy at best, it has been speculated that at some point in history he kidnapped the Queen of England and stole her crown, which he then wore on his head as a trophy but not before forcing her to give him…head, ironic isnt it? His other known aliases include “The Godfather”, “Costa Nostra” and most famously among the ladies of the earth, “Costa Nova”.

The Duke is a seductive charmer of the female clitoris, and holds close ties to several major Sicillian crime families. He’s never seen out without bodyguards and is dressed by the finest fashion designers this side of the Atlantic. His poison of choice is undoubtedly Sambuca, which he enjoys to guzzle down as much as the girls like to guzzle down his semen.

The Tour to Barcelona this coming June provides The Duke with his first taste of a European Tour with the lads. No one doubts that the spanish girls have something big and hard coming their way and i speak for everyone when i say i look forward to seeing this man, of all men, working those latino heats.

Who can forget The Duke’s signature move….THE VERTICAL VODKA…a feat few men can achieve with the gracefullness and finesse the Duke manages it..

Barca..here he cums!

Stay tuned for the highs and lows of Lad A|exis “Wayne Gretsky” Wengr@f..

Official Lads On Tour Blog

Welcome to the official lads on tour blog.

This page shall keep the world updated with the actions of everyones favourite lads!

Stay tuned for the up and coming profile on each one of the lads you might expect to see in a brothel near you…

First up….C()nstantine “THE DUKE” P@p@dimitriou

Lad Willing Y’all